you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
