I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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