ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
