ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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