If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
