What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
