Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
