how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
