He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
