By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
