I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
