can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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