yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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