i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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