someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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