ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Welp...herpes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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