Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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