I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize