and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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