just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize