May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it glows. i had to have it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
