38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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