You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
