Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
