I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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