If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
