She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
