K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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