I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
