And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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