im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
