I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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