I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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