You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
