I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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