How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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