May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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