im having a threesome with these popsicles
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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