that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
