what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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