I seem to have left my pride at pride
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize