Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize