There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
