she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
