We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
A bitchslap is in order.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
