I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
