So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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