We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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