my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
