I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
