Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
