Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
