did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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