The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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