I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
