Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
People in love make me want to vomit
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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