If i come over, it means nothing
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
