We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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