Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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