I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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