How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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