The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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